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How to cope with Peel This upcoming Nevcon UK has more people on edge than any previous Nevcon. Not only are we expecting the presence of Randy and Wayward Son, but Peel will be in attendance. This I can easily believe might put some people off, so I have created this page for the express purpose of telling you how to cope with him.
He and Death Tornado arrived at my hall at Nottingham University around 11:30am, and immediately started on bottles of Carlsberg, stopping only to put the Busted/McFly song Build Me Up Buttercup on my PC and turn up the bass. After lunch and more Carlsberg, it was into Beeston to visit The Greyhound for Kronenbourg and McDonalds. Back to halls to watch Neighbours, then off out to watch Alien vs Predator, then to a strip club, where he tried (and for the most part succeeded) as passing himself off as being 18. After getting a lapdance from some not-exactly-hot American girl, whose only redeeming feature was an absolutely huge set of tits (if that can be called redeeming, but then that's the extent of his care about beauty), and a few very expensive Budweisers, he demanded we go somewhere else. He got turned away from Ocean (a nightclub) because he wasn't 18, so after wandering the streets for a while we ended up at The Cookie Club, but that sucked so after more beer (Stella maybe? Can't remember), we went across the street to Riley's snooker and pool rooms, where he tried to cheat. By that point, though, DT was falling asleep so we went back to halls and Peel got me banned from #neveron twice inside 5mins. After that, we went to sleep. I won't say the night was quiet, because Peel snores more loudly than a pneumatic road drill, and has less than half the appeal. So, what lessons can be learnt from this story?
So, what else do we know about our "friend"? First, he is dumb. Very very dumb. Good at school work (do I hear NERD?), but very dumb. Second, he is almost always drunk. Thirdly, he is incapable of keeping a girlfriend for more than about five minutes. However, he tries his hardest to make up for these things. He tries to act clever where possible, however his perpetual drunkenness precludes this. So, he goes around saying stupid things (and consequently getting banned from #neveron) continually. In retrospect, I'm not quite sure whether the drunkenness is the cause of the perpetual stupidity, or whether he's so stupid that he merely appears to act drunk, even while perfectly sober. The last fault, he makes up for in a very strange way. He feels obligated to wear thongs to formal balls, and then perform a striptease for everyone's collective... nausea. I can see why you're scared. I am too. However, let us not forget that there will be a bar. There will be lots of beer, so we can only hope he'll ignore us. If not, well, he takes his shirt off, Randy can threaten him with deletion.
20/04/05 - UPDATE I realised I should probably update this page, since it was posted before NevCon. 1) Peel only tried to rape Capreolus at NevCon, though I think he was about to try and get Charlotte when she left 2) Peel is now on www.urbandictionary.com - we have two results describing him, submitted by myself and Kammy. 3) Moronic pictures of Peel are now available here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. 16/02/05 - UPDATE A new year, so some more updates to the Peel page. Since the last time I wrote, Peel has been unleashed on the residents of Loughborough, meaning that during term time at least, Leeds is once again safe. He now has a sort-of website (if you call MSN Spaces a website). In further news, it has emerged that the average age of his girlfriends throughout his final year at school was roughly 14.8 - this fact, along with many more, is corroborated by the Peel Quotes Page. Finally, there are more moronic pictures of Peel here, here and here. 28/03/07 - UPDATE It's been almost a year since Nevcon UK 2006, and Peel sleeping first with Malachi, and then Macca. I figured I should finally post the pictures of him... So, even more moronic pictures of Peel here, here, here and here. 20/04/07 - UPDATE Found Peel on facebook... so... well... this. 20/08/07 - UPDATE More Facebook horrors in one ZIP archive. They're from Peel's "Lornas wank-bank album". 28/01/08 - UPDATE And more.... please note that I cannot be held responsible for injuries, physical, mental or otherwise, caused or provoked by content on this website. Vote Peel I guess...
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First,
let us take a look at the creature we are studying. Ugly, isn't it? Its
latin name is Chavius Chavscum, its habitat the bars and pubs of
Leeds. Now, while I may not be the world's foremost expert on Peel, I was
with him for around 24hrs once, which is three times more than most of you
will have to cope with. So, in order to give you some insight, let me tell
you briefly what happened. 
